september field-notes

observations, favorites, findings, gratitude, and more <3

Snow Globe Moment

I’d first heard this phrase from my dearest friend, Jenny. She describes it as a moment so wondrous, so full of beauty and presence, you wish to capture it, to hold it in your memory forever. A moment that seeps its way into the chambers of your heart, leaving an overwhelming feeling of peace, love, and gratitude in your soul. A moment that makes you believe in magic. A moment where time seemingly stands still, where the feelings linger long after they drift away, as if they never really left in the first place. 

The task of choosing which snow globe moment to share feels daunting. I want to share the right one (seeing as how some magic should be kept for ourselves) but there’s one calling to me, a moment that brought me to a place of awe. The best sunset I have ever seen in my life — a hearty statement, I know, but I feel confident in that declaration. It occurs on the last day of September, 7:00 pm in Victoria, British Columbia, and the sun has just dipped below the horizon. The silhouette of the Olympic Mountains greets us – the place where my parents got married and welcomed their first child together into the world. To my left, the softest palette of cotton candy pinks and purples seamlessly bleed into the fiery hues of orange and yellow that fall to my right. The urge to take a panorama rarely calls to me, but something about the stretch of the sky and the way it smiled at me asked me to capture as much magic as I could. I take a photo to make sure what I’m seeing is real — knowing this collection of pixels could never come close to replicating the actual thing, but the magic radiates off the screen regardless. On the pebbled shore, Bryanna and her boyfriend Fabián unfurl a blanket and we sit, and we stare, and we smell, and we feel, and we live in this scene of a snow globe together. Just for a moment, and then forever. 

“Because the sunset, like survival, exists only on the verge of its own disappearing. To be gorgeous, you must first be seen, but to be seen allows you to be hunted.”
― Ocean Vuong, On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous

Books

Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar by Cheryl Strayed (a reread) 

On Earth We’re Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong (current read) 

Locations 

Rangeley, Maine

La Romana, Dominican Republic

Portland, Oregon 

Seattle, Washington

Port Townsend, Washington 

Victoria, British Columbia 

Little Joys

Going out to lunch with my Pa

Eating the juiciest blackberry of my life

Dancing at the club

Swimming in the ocean

Watching the sunrise alone 

Writing a poem with Bella on the plane

Summer smooch sesh 

Seeing a couple reunite at the airport (brought to tears) 

Reuniting with my own loved ones 

Laughing alongside a missed connection from college

Smoke sesh with my ma

Sharing meals with friends

Wandering around Pike’s Market Place in Seattle

Riding the train in the rain

Drinking a glass of red wine on the ferry

Seeing a rainbow in the misty morning

Treasure hunting with B

Quotations

“When love is on your side, things will always be okay.” – a phone conversation I had eavesdropped on in a Goodwill in Augusta, Maine. 

“If you pretend you don’t care about anything, you’ll wake up one day and have nothing to actually care about.” – my friend Bella in La Romana, Dominican Republic 

“Every person I meet is a shard in my stained glass life. How lucky I am to be saturated in the shades of you.” – my friend Brad in Victoria, British Colombia 

Songs

Hours Were the Birds –  Adrianne Lenker 

CRY – Julia Jacklin 

Never Be Another You – Lee Fields and The Expressions 

Home Again – Menahan Street Band

September Scrapbook

Rose, Bud, Thorn

Rose: the privilege of travel — three ferries, four trains, six flights, and many car rides later to meet new friends and hold old ones. If me one year ago could see me today, she would be in utter disbelief. I’m lucky to know people coast to coast who housed and fed me and on top of it all, exchanged their time and energy to be with me. I remind myself I am someone worth getting to know. I remind myself I am worthy of this love. I remind myself I worked so hard to have the freedom to expand myself. I remind myself that magic attracts magic. Gratitude and nothing but.

Bud: working on a video again. There’s this quotation I remember reading as an 11-year-old that has stuck with me: “sometimes we need to get away to remember why we stay.” After dedicating the past couple of months to writing, I’m eager to edit my next YouTube video. I miss the craft of putting pieces of the puzzle together. I miss setting up shots and cringing at myself later. I miss being “in the zone” where time seems to pass without me noticing it leaving. I miss my community in the YouTube space. Two videos to come!

Thorn: social exhaustion. Though I am terribly grateful for it all, I have been isolated for the majority of summer. Most days were spent conversing with just my dad, someone who knows me inside and out, someone who always laughs at my jokes, someone who I’m not afraid I’m taking up too much space with. I forget how much energy it is to listen, to be engaged, and to give. A lot of my friendships are new (most I made just this past year alone) so I don’t feel like I have a strong footing in my energy yet. Emphasis on yet.